


Revelations

by tinyginger



Series: The Love of Three [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Abduction, Angst, Autistic Spencer Reid, Bisexual Derek Morgan, Bisexual Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e14 The Big Game, Episode: s02e15 Revelations, Established Relationship, F/M, Guilt, Hurt, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kidnapped Spencer Reid, M/M, Major Character Injury, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamorous relationship, Polyamory, Rescue, Spencer Reid Whump, Survivor Guilt, Team as Family, Threesome - F/M/M, Torture, blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25858474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyginger/pseuds/tinyginger
Summary: JJ is attacked by dogs, Reid is abducted and tortured, and Morgan prepares to loose them both.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss & The BAU Team, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Derek Morgan, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia & Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team
Series: The Love of Three [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866064
Comments: 17
Kudos: 132





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Some dialogue taken from 2x14 and 2x15

“We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.” -Sigmund Freud

Watching Derek dance with other girls on the dance floor should have made JJ feel something more than arousal. A younger JJ would have been jealous, hell, had JJ been with anyone else she would have been furious. But somehow she had found peace with her boys. She didn’t mind that Derek was dancing with other girls, grinding on them while they grinded on him, and groped each other and others while dancing intoxicated to the thump of the music. She liked to watch, and was glad he was having fun. She was having her own fun, kicking the asses of some boys who challenged her to darts. They flirted with her and she flirted back to distract them and undercut them so they would feel it when she won. Spencer didn’t have a problem with any of it either, he was more than content to watch JJ and Derek dance together, or to watch Derek dance with other girls while he simultaneously watched JJ hustle a group of guys. He had found his own little group of nerds and people who were intrigued by his brain, and was happy to play his own drinking game with them.

Their lack of jealousy was surprising even to them, but the total trust and confidence in their relationship made them all proud that they were in a mature and healthy relationship. It also made it easier to go out with the team. Even though everyone basically knew about them, aside from Prentiss, they had yet to actually come out and tell them all exactly what they were. 

Prentiss was nice and fit in with the team great. She and Morgan fell into a fun teasing partnership that he knew could one day rival what he and Elle had. She had also accepted that he was a “player” and flirted with everyone. His interactions with Garcia proved her point and made the true flirting with JJ and Reid less obvious. In all honesty, she really had a feel that if Morgan and Garcia weren’t in a relationship sexual or romantic they would be soon. 

It was the nights that they were all blowing off steam that made THE call all more disappointing. A bit formed in her stomach as she realized she had to tell everyone they had a case. Walking back into the bar made her feel heavy. They were all so happy and full of life right now, but as soon as she told them they had a case they would all become stoic. 

“We’ve got a case.” She told the group after rounding them all up, and watched as they quickly built their walls up in preparation to protect them from the horrors the job would bring, “I gotta call Gideon.”

“And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.” - Revelation 6:8

Most of the time, it was easy for the three to keep their relationship private while on a case. They were all so focused on finding the Unsub and saving the Vics that most of the time food and sleep went to the wayside, their love lives were the least of their concerns. At first things had been strange, JJ not knowing how her boys would react to her sometimes flirting with people to get them to do what she wanted had thrown her. Derek not knowing if he could still talk to Garcia like he does, made some of the conversations a little too awkward. Spencer’s inability to not profile everyone around him, thus making any change in his lovers’ behavior a red flag made for a lot of “are you okay”s, which was actually pretty normal for the kid. 

Gideon was the one to explain to Prentiss that while Reid was a great profiler and understood textbook human behavior near perfectly, he was somewhat confused by the reactions and emotions of the people he loved, and ultimately himself too. He had also warned the new hire that Reid would ask a lot of questions and most of them would probably have an obvious answer, but he it was not obvious to him. That didn’t bother Prentiss though, she found it just another interesting quirk. 

Hotch and Reid were going over the scarce evidence on the board when JJ came in with what they all hoped was a lead. It seemed unlikely that the witness would lead to a break in the case, but it was the best chance they had. Even with the little information they had on the witness. 

“Is there a name and address for the witness?” Hotch asked. 

JJ flipped a page of the report, “Tobias Hankle. Lives about an hour from here.”

“It's a long shot, but he might be able to give us a description. Why don’t you and Reid go out there, see if you can find Mr. Hankle and see if he remembers something?”

The pair agreed and quickly got ready to go pay a visit to their witness. 

As JJ drove, Spencer rambled about what he had planned for their romantic weekend. A month ago Spencer had asked if he could plan a weekend for them. Up till that point, Derek and JJ did most of the date planning and they had a long weekend coming up, one that guaranteed they would have at least two days off. He was planning a surprise for both JJ and Derek, and had already told Derek some of what he had planned for JJ. 

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Spencer asked, chewing on his lip. 

“I think he’ll love it, we both will.” 

Spencer nodded, “I have other things planned, but I wanted to get your opinion on Derek’s surprise.”

“He’ll love whatever you plan, but this is good.” JJ smiled as she drove over the empty backroads. “I know I’m excited.”

Satisfied with her response, Spencer pulled out their case file and started going over what they had on their witness, Tobias Hankle. He read through the report again and again and something didn’t sit right with him. Even with the little information they had on Hankle something was just not adding up. 

“Something’s wrong.” Reid pondered out loud as he scanned the report again. 

“And that is?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “I just have a feeling.” 

As they stood on Hankle’s porch, JJ began to feel increasingly uneasy. Her heart rate spiked when he didn’t let them in the first time they asked, and again when Reid made his improve plan of begging to use the bathroom. Interviewing the man through the door was not ideal and confirmed that her boyfriend was right. 

Something was wrong. 

The team was gathered around a computer with the local cops watching the death of ‘Jezebel’. The poor victim’s pain could be felt through the screen as she was torn apart. The sound of her terrified screams mixed with the growls of dogs and the tearing of flesh and made the team sick. 

“You can turn it off.” Hotch said, not able to watch or listen to it anymore and knowing his team couldn’t either.

The local stopped Prentiss in a seemingly excited manner that pissed Morgan off right away, “You hadn’t seen enough?” 

The dogs were the clue. The cop recognized the dogs. 

“You have the owner’s name?” Hotch was hopeful this would be the break they needed. 

His heart dropped when the cop said, “Hankle.”

“Hankle?” Hotch thought he was going to be sick right there. He was no stranger to anxiety, but it had been a long time since he had a panic attack while working a case. 

The cop was oblivious and all too proud of his finding as he announced, “Tobias Hankle.”


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: blood, gore, drug use, non-con drug use, torture, violence, religious themes
> 
> some dialogue taken from 2x25

Fear coursed through her veins lighting her nervous system on fire while cold sweat dried on her skin. Her heart dropped as she heard something squelch beneath her shoe, with hesitation she looked to what she had stepped in and followed the trail of blood. Her stomach revolted at the sight of the bloody mattress, pieces of body parts submerged in the pond of blood atop the rotting fabric. Her vision dimmed as she tried to determine if what she was looking at was part of a hand, foot, or an ear. Not that it really mattered, but the brain latches onto funny things in times of intense stress. She was going into shock. Sure, she’d been to enough crime scenes, and seen the horrors that lived in the folders of potential cases she had to go through everyday. But this. This could be her future. It could be Spencer’s future. 

A gargling growl broke through the ringing in her ears. She turned, wide eyed and gun raised, to face the dogs that had no doubt torn apart the mangled mess on the mattress. Her heart dropped and sped rapidly as she realized she was going to have to shoot the dogs, or else she would meet the same fate. Her blood would mix with the crimson that had leaked off the mattress onto the dirt floor and her bones and flesh would become indistinguishable from the other victim’s. 

His mind started racing as he listened to the Unsubs talking. The stalks of corn did little in way of protecting him, the only advantage they gave was hiding him, but they also hid the Unsubs, who were probably more familiar with the land and knew their way around the fields of crops. 

He tried to follow the quivering voice that begged not to have to do the “God’s work” he was being forced to do. A small bit of sadness mixed with his nerves when he heard the strike. The submissive Unsub must have gotten smacked, and judging by the gasp it hurt. He couldn’t dwell on that long, the need to figure out where the Unsubs were was too great, and his fear was starting to take over. 

His heart stopped when he heard the bark, the screams, and the gunshots. His feet were moving before his mind caught up with the fact he was running towards the sound, towards JJ. 

“JJ!” His fear made him forget he was currently hiding from the Unsubs while he tracked them. That fact came back into mind when the fist collided with his head, stunning him for a moment. 

Reid was on his back in the dirt, trying desperately to scoot back and away from the gun Hankel was pointing at his head. He watched as Hankel’s body language shifted and his voice changed to tell himself to “shoot him”. It finally made sense. 

There was only one Unsub. 

  
  
  
  


Derek couldn’t remember the last thing he said to them. He hoped it wasn’t about the case, he prayed it was something like ‘I love you’, ‘be safe’, or even ‘see you soon’. But they were stressed, they were all running on empty and he couldn’t remember what he said. If Reid was there he could tell him exactly what was said, but if Reid was there Morgan wouldn’t be thinking about this. 

“They probably just don’t have service.” Prentiss tried to comfort her co-worker, not knowing he wasn’t just worried about their mutual co-workers. They were his best friends and they were dating. They were his whole world. 

He couldn’t afford to think like that right now. He needed to focus on getting them back, on finding the Unsubs and saving JJ and Reid.

Prentiss seemed to understand what he needed even without knowing the specifics of why he was acting the way he was. If he was able to think about anything other than his job and finding JJ and Reid, he might have realized Prentiss had probably profiled him as a protector. Therefore having two of his teammates missing and in presumed danger would feel like a personal attack. 

She had, of course, profiled this and knew that it was only going to be worse than if she or Hotch or Gideon were in JJ and Reid’s situation because they were the two youngest members, and seemingly the closest to Morgan after Garcia. So she was going to do whatever she could to help her partner. That meant taking orders from him, staying on task, and thinking of all the things he was not. 

Once inside the barn the local cop had led them to, they found the dogs from the video. They had been shot and were laying dead around the barn. Morgan felt his heart drop to his toes, his stomach falling with it as his flashlight fell on the mattress. Jezebel, this was the woman they watched die. He could only pray that JJ and Reid hadn’t met the same fate. 

“F.B.I!” He’d never heard something so wonderful in his life.

JJ was alive. She was alive, pointing a gun at them. 

“JJ!” Morgan spoke over her panicked demands. “JJ, it’s Morgan and Prentiss. Don’t shoot. It’s okay.” 

She slowly lowered her gun, eyes glazed over and her whole body shaking. 

Morgan softened his voice, “Are you hurt?”

Instead of answering the question, she told them that the man they thought was just a witness, Tobias Hankel, was the Unsub. She then Started recounting to Morgan about how she had to kill the dogs that were attacking her, sounding like she was asking for forgiveness. 

“JJ, where’s Reid?” He asked, trying to break through her shocked monologue. 

“JJ, look at me.” Prentiss called, prompting her to stop talking about how the dogs tore the victim apart. “Where’s Reid?”

She seemed more lucid after hearing her boyfriend mentioned, “We split up. He said he was going to go around back.”

Morgan took off running.

  
  
  
  


Reid woke to the putrid smell of burning fish. His vision was blurry and all he could feel was fear. So much fear. He thought his heart would pound out of his chest, or maybe he’d have a heart attack as he watched “Raphael” load a single bullet into the revolver and spin the barrel. 

“I’m just an instrument of God.” 

The gun clicked and a sob escaped his throat. He was going to die here. He was going to die and it was his fault. JJ would blame herself, if she was still alive and had not been torn apart by the dogs. Derek would feel the weight of both their deaths, and blame himself. He would be crushed by the guilt, tail spin into depression and self loathing, he’d withdraw from the team, from his family, and soon enough he’d get himself killed. Suicide by Unsub.

Raphael seemed satisfied for the moment with “God’s decision” and disappeared. Reid could see the sky when Raphael opened the door to leave, it was beginning to lighten, signaling it must have been dawn. He tried to figure out how long he had been unconscious, and how far they had gone. But the truth that he didn’t want to admit to himself was that he could have been unconscious for hours and not know it. He also had a concussion, a lower grade one, but a concussion nonetheless which could in theory cause gaps in his memory. Even with his eidetic memory, he was still susceptible amnesia due to head injuries. 

He was left alone, nothing to keep his thoughts from racing. He first gathered clues in his mind of where he was, looking for a way out of his binds, looking for a weapon, looking for anything that could help. He found nothing. His mind started to wander and he was sure he’d lost consciousness again. 

_ ‘Who will find me?’  _ He wondered, his vision blurring once again. ‘ _ I hope it’s not Der, he’d never sleep again. The PTSD alone would make doing his job too hard. He’d never be able to look at another victim without seeing me. Unless he moves on. Maybe JJ is fine. She’s fine. She has to be fine. Because she’s fine, he will be fine too. They will both be fine. They will be fine and they will move on. They will get married, and JJ will look stunning in her gown and Derek will look stunning in his tux, and the team will be there, and the Morgan’s will be there, and maybe the wedding will bring JJ closer with her family and they will be there too. God, I hope Derek doesn’t find me. Garcia will protect him.’  _

He started to nod off again, but shook his head and took a deep breath, “Gotta figure out the profile, figure out the profile and talk him down.”

Profiling helped calm him down, or maybe it was the shock, but he made a plan and comforted himself with his forced optimism that his plan would work. He just had to play into the mission. He had read the Bible, his mother had exposed him to all the major religions before he was seven, his father prompting him to focus on Catholicism or Christianity, even though he himself was not all that religious. That had been a common argument between Diana and William. If his plan worked and he made it out of this and actually spoke to his father again someday, he’d have to thank him for being the reason he read the Bible more than once. 

When Hankel came back from getting firewood, he was no longer Raphael. He was harsh and self assured, the dominant Unsub-personality. 

“Thank you for burning those…” Reid felt out of breath as he enacted his plan while holding back gags from the smell of burning fish livers, “keeping us safe.”

“Don’t try to trick me.” Reid’s heart dropped. 

“I would never try to trick you.”

It wasn’t working, Hankel didn’t believe him,“You’re a liar.”

“I’m not a liar.” Reid spoke fast, panic raising in his chest.

Hankel was getting angry, “Lying’s a sin.”

“I’m not a liar.” Reid insisted as his eyes followed his captor. 

Hankel sat in front of him, grabbing his ankle harshly and lifting it so he could take Reid’s shoes and sock off. Reid’s skin burned from where Hankel’s fingers pressed against his skin. 

“This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins.” Hankel informed him. 

“I’m not a sinner.” 

The glare Reid received chilled his blood, “We’re all sinners.”

As a last ditch effort to save his plan and convince Hankel of his innocence, Reid started quoting from the Bible. He knew every word, he could recite the whole thing, but it wasn’t going to convince Hankel. 

“The Devil knows how to read too.”

“I’m not a devil. I’m not a devil. I’m a man.” Spencer begged, as he began to choke on tears and fear. “My name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father, just like you, they taught me the Bible. Let-let me just-let me just recite the Bible.”

Hankel had his leg stretched out so his foot was at the same height of his head, “Time to confess, Spencer Reid.”

Spencer’s body tensed as he prepared for the smack. Pain shot up his leg and through his hip with each blow. He could feel fractures forming in his metatarsals as Hankel persuaded him to confess. 

He blacked out again before Hankel had dropped his foot and didn’t regain consciousness for a long while. When he did finally wake up the temperature had dropped, his foot was aching, and his head was spinning. 

Hankel opened the door, showing Reid it was pitch dark outside. He was carrying a bloody animal and wasn’t as imposing as Raphael or the other one. 

He walked over to Reid, showing the skinned animal as if asking for approval, “you need to eat.”

“What’s your name?” Reid asked, realizing he hadn't met this one yet. 

“Tobias.” The man said, his voice was soft and unsure. 

“Tobias?” Reid contemplated bringing up the other personality, “Who was here before?”

“It was probably my father.” His eyes locked on Reid’s bruising bare foot and followed up his body. “I’m sorry if he hurt you.”

Reid saw the moment an idea popped into Tobias’ head, and seconds later the man was making his way over to him, unbuckling his belt as he did. 

“What are you doing?” Reid asked as Tobias tightened the leather around his arm, “Don’t. Please don’t.” 

“It helps. Don’t tell my father.” Tobias said as he readied a syringe. “He doesn't know they’re here.” 

Reid struggled against his cuffs, desperate for an escape, “Please. I don’t want it. I don’t want it. Please.” 

“Trust me.” He was so calm, “I know.”

“Please don’t.” Spencer continued to beg. 

There was no convincing the man. The needle pierced his skin and made him feel sick. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want any of this. He just wanted to go home and fall asleep in the middle of the bed, between JJ and Derek. He wanted to feel JJ wrapped around his back, her fingers pressed to his ribs as her breath tickled his shoulder, and he wanted to hear Derek’s heart beating under his ear as he used his warm chest as a pillow. He wanted to see them again. He needed to see them again. But it was too late, Spencer felt the drug fill his veins and rush through his body, weighing him down but making him float as he slipped out of consciousness. 

_ He was ten. Standing in his parents’ room, listening to them fight once again. It felt like all the other times his father went on a business trip, but he knew it would be more permanent this time. William wasn’t being fair. He wasn’t. His mother was sick, it wasn’t her fault she couldn’t be the wife he wanted. Spencer never understood how his father could be so angry at her all the time. She was such an amazing and strong woman. She just needed some help, help that William should be giving her.  _

_ William always hated his facts and statistics. He hated that his son wasn’t normal. He hated he was smarter than him and that Diana encouraged Spencer to be so strange. He wanted a normal son, wanted a normal family.  _

_ Technically, Spencer could have had him arrested for child endangerment and neglect. He was, after all, leaving a ten year old with his sick mother who was lucid only a small percentage of the time. William had admitted that Diana couldn’t take care of herself, so how did he expect her to take care of their son. Spencer didn’t care though, he’d rather stay and take care of his mother than go anywhere with his father.  _

_ “You’re weak!” Diana spat at William.  _

_ “I’m not weak.” Spencer told her after watching his father leave.  _

_ Her face softened, “I know, Honey.”  _

_ Her embrace was warm and soft and comforting. He was safe in her arms. He was safe with her. He wasn’t like his father, he wasn’t weak. He’d stay with her and help her. He’d cure her. He wasn’t weak.  _

He was pulled out of the memory of his dad leaving, “I’m not week” still on his lips. 

The scream Hankel let out, demonstrating no one could hear him, made Reid want to cry. And he did. 

The conversation that followed, wasn’t an actual conversation. Hankel talked at Reid while his consciousness faded in and out. It wasn’t until Hankel grabbed him by the front of his hair and asked if he was ready that Reid stayed coherent longer than thirty seconds. 

“Ready for what?” Reid’s croak tore painfully through his throat. 

“My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason.” Hankel supplied as the answer. “Let’s see if we’re both right.”

The chair was turned harshly, dragging Reid’s swelling foot over the dirt covered floor. Hankel positioned the camera in front of him, pointing it right at Reid.

He couldn’t help but let a few tears fall from his face. His brain wasn’t working to supply any plan of escape, only one thought kept running through his head, ‘ _ Fuck, this is it.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more coming soon :)


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of dialogue taken from 2x15
> 
> tw: noncon drugs and gore and violence and shit. Ya know, the usual

Having Garcia there helped Morgan. She knew they were dating, she knew how much he loved his boy, and she knew how to keep him calm. He took comfort in having her there. If there was anyone who could track him down it was Garica. 

Usually, he loved how much Garcia loved his boyfriend. He loved to watch his two geniuses interact. The two were similar in a lot of ways. After he started dating Reid, Morgan noticed just how similar the two were. They both had their comfort items, Garcia was far more open with her needs to have at least three colorful, cute, and textured items, while Reid opted to keep his hidden and less obvious. His bag was a big one, it housed his most helpful comfort items, and had become one itself.

Reid also took refuge in Garcia’s nurturing and warmth. Opting to hide in her lair than anywhere else when he was having a bad day. Garcia loved to baby him and he loved to be coddled, but only by her. She filled the nurturing hole left by his mother’s illness. 

But in her eyes he could do no wrong.

“This guy sits here for days and just watches these people, and he waits for them to commit a sin.” Morgan’s mind started racing. 

Garcia sounded so sure as she spoke in a soft sad voice, “Yeah, but Reid’s completely innocent.”

The words of a woman who always tries to see the best in people, who would never judge someone for being who they are. The words of a woman who wasn’t thinking about Reid’s sexual orientation. 

He couldn’t break it to her, not yet. He didn’t have the heart to bring it to her attention, and he couldn’t bring himself to say it outloud so he settled with, “but if you dig deep enough on any of us, we all have our sins, including Reid.”

He couldn’t stay in the house any longer; it had been 24 hours since they had found JJ and not Reid, and they still had no leads. He told Garcia he was going to go look around the property and left.

Once outside he let himself break down a little, just enough that he could make it through the rest of the night. He also prayed, something he hadn’t done in a while. 

“If you’re listening, don’t let him be hurt.” Morgan spoke to whatever god was listening. “He doesn’t deserve this, if you’re really as loving and just as my Gran says then you will help us find him unharmed! He’s a good man! He’s read your book, he’s read all the good books. He’s kind, he’s loving! He’s not- he doesn't’ deserve this.” 

It wasn’t exactly the prayer his grandmother had taught him, but he hoped if there was a God, he was listening. 

Inside, the team was searching the house for anything, anything at all that would lead them to a way to find their missing member. They had all thrown themselves into work, trying in vain, to not think about what was happening to Reid while they failed to find him. It was easier said than done, especially for the two members of the team who were romantically involved with the missing genius. 

JJ stood in the bathroom of the man who took her boyfriend and adjusted the bandage on her arm. She couldn’t stop thinking about their conversation in the car and how excited Spencer had been about his surprises for them. They were supposed to be starting their romantic weekend planned by Spencer in three days, now she wasn’t even sure he’d still be alive then. 

“Hey guys! I think I found something!” Morgan called, surprised himself by his find. He hadn't actually come outside with the intention of finding something, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to look, it was all he could do. 

Hotch followed Morgan into the storm cellar, they didn’t find what they hoped. It wasn’t Tobias Hankel sitting in the cold room, it was the body of his father. 

The rest of the night they continued to search through the house, reading through the religious ramblings in the journals they found only made Derek fear more for his boy. The process of figuring out that Tobias had three personalities—one being his own, one being his abusive father, and the other being the Archangel Raphael—was a disturbing one. Dred settled deep within Derek’s stomach as he listened to Gideon explain that Angels don’t care if you live or die as long as it’s God’s will. 

A thought popped into his head that made him feel sick, _Angels don’t care if Reid lives or dies as long as it’s God’s will. There would be no way for him to profile himself out of harm against that._

“We need to start profiling Tobis’ father, he may be the one who chose where to take Reid.” Hotch said, giving Morgan an opportunity to escape the room. 

He felt himself immediately relax in the presence of Garcia, “Garcia, I need you to log into the system as Tobias’ father.”

She was more than slightly confused at the request, “The system was set up three months ago. Dad was already dead.”

“I know that smarty-pants,” Morgan took comfort from the hand he placed on her shoulder, “but do it for your boy anyway.” 

“Okay.”

“Charles Hankel.” He spoke the name of the dead man in the cellar, the name of one of the personalities that took Reid. 

Violent videos of disasters, beatings, and war loaded on each of the several monitors. It was as if someone had access to the worst of humanity and was surveilling it all at once. 

As Garcia dug through the files of Charles’ account she was filled with more and more dread, “Charles Hankel is one serious messed up dude.”

Morgan didn’t know how to respond, this man, or the personality of this man had kidnapped his boyfriend as well as killed multiple others. Of course he’s messed up, “Yeah.”

“We’re basically looking at an extension of his brain,” Garcia explained. “I have a bad feeling.”

His heart dropped to his stomach when Garcia said that. He had a bad feeling too. If the both of them had a bad feeling… 

JJ was still kind of spacey when she and Prentiss returned to the house. Hotch had noticed and was keeping an eye on her, but it was easy to see the guilt and worry eating away at the young Communications Liaison. He took in the information the girls gave them, profiling JJ in the back of his mind as he focused on the information that could help them find Ried. 

Finding out a computer store was robbed did nothing to ease their minds, if anything, it made them lose a little of the hope they had at finding Ried. It gave them a location of where Hankel could have been hours ago, but not much else.

Hotch sighed, his heart heavy as he thought about what this means, “If it’s Tobias, it puts him right back in business.”

Hoping Garcia and Morgan were having better luck, Hotch went back to piecing together the puzzle. 

They weren’t having better luck, they were having no luck, bad luck even. Garcia had been in the middle of trying to figure out the ins and outs of the system when the screens went blank. 

“What happened?” Morgan asked as Garcia thought of everything that could cause the system to behave this way. 

“I don’t… know.”

The air in the room turned to molasses. Morgan’s vision dimmed. Garcia’s brain buffered. Morgan’s knees were weak and his body felt as if it would drop but he was frozen. Garcia couldn't breathe, her lungs were paralized and her throat was a vice.

They were both jolted into action when Garcia’s shocked words flew out of mouth, “Oh my God.”

“Guys!” Morgan raced halfway to the door, “Guys! Get in here!” 

He was drawn back to the monitors; to the image of his boy chained to a chair, scared, hurting, and all alone. 

The others followed him, all gasping as the man on the screen registered to them as Spencer Reid. JJ felt her heart stop and bial rise in the back of her throat as for the first time in over 24 hours, she laid eyes on her boyfriend.

Prentiss was the first yo find her voice, and the first to analyze the image beyond their dear Reid, “He’s been beaten.” 

“Can’t you track him?” JJ turned to her friend who always seemed to be able to do the impossible when it came to locating unsubs and victims alike. 

Garcia had tried, the moment she could move her fingers again she was attempting to find Reid, but she couldn’t, “Hankel’s only streaming this to his home computer.”

“This is for us.” Gideon spoke, his words barely making it through the haze of anger and anxiety Morgan was trapped in. “He knows we’re here.”

Morgan’s stomach was revolting the more he thought about how he couldn’t get to Reid, “I’m gonna put this guy’s head on a stick.”

The team kept throwing questions at Garcia as she worked her hardest to track Hankel. Her focus and determination and overall desperation to find Spencer was the only thing keeping her from breaking down into a sobbing mess. 

She could do nothing. None of them could do anything. They could only watch as the psycho tortured and tormented their youngest. 

“Can you really see inside men’s heads?” Hankel asked, bringing Reid’s attention to the laptops in front of him, “See these vermin? Choose one to die. I’ll let you choose one to live.”

Reid had somehow found a calm in the midst of his anguish, though it was most likely the laced dilaudid that was currently muddying his bloodstream. 

He shook his head slightly, “No.”

“I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior.” Hankel proded. 

“You’re a sadist in a psychotic break. You won’t stop killing people.” Reid rambled off what he was profiling, “Your word’s not true.”

He knew he’d fucked up the moment he let those last few words escape his mouth. _Lying is a sin._ Surprisingly, Hankel didn’t react with anger like Reid was expecting. 

He was scarily calm as he turned his head slowly to look at the camera, “The other heathland are watching.”

_Fuck, JJ and Derek are watching. JJ’s going to blame herself for leaving me alone. Derek’s going to blame himself for not finding me. It’s not your fault! Don’t blame yourselves! This was me. I chose to run after him… to prove myself in the field! It’s my fault!_

His brain was working hard on formulating a plan as he mentally cried out to his lovers. 

_Stop! Stop! Focus! The team is watching, they’ll find me. What do they need? What will help them? Where am I? A barn. A shack more like. Gotta give them something._

“Choose a sinner to die, and I’ll say the name and address of the person to be saved.” Hankel instructed, sounding too much like a professor giving out homework for this situation.

Reid closed his eyes, picturing the professor he got fired in his sophomore year because he threatened to fail Reid if he didn’t blow him after office hours, “I won’t choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher.”

_Please understand. Hotch? Gideon?_

The rage Reid had been expecting appeared as Hankel pulled him from his hair, the cuffs tearing more skin as his metacarpals stretched out of place. The threats were spit into his face, convince him that Hankel wasn’t bluffing about killing all of them. 

A jolt of pain shot up his spine as he was dropped back into the hard chair, hai wrists snapping and grinding back into place, “Alright, I’ll choose who lives.”

His mind couldn’t come up with a way to save everyone. He wasn’t able to profile the victims. He wasn’t able to think straight. 

“Marilyn David,” Hankel announced after Reid had made his choice, “4913 Walnut Creek Road.”

Garcia was on top of it. The second their vic’s name was out of Hankel’s mouth she was typing. It gave her something to do. Someone to help. Even if she would rather be locating Reid.

It was all too easy to pull up Marilyn’s phone number. Before JJ or Derek could even think about helping, Gideon was on the phone with her. Saving her. Not their boy. 

The screens going blank, taking the only proof that Spencer, was alive was enough to push Derek over the edge. He paced to the door, slamming his fist into the wood, as he stormed out. 

“You’ve done your part,” Raphael’s calm made the painful thumping of Reid’s anxious heart hurt all the more, “Now it’s my turn.”

Spencer was left alone with his anxiety and guilt as he watched the laptops playing the lives of the potential victims. The ones he didn’t save.

Through tears he watch Hankel pick up the phone to alert the 911 operator he was going to murder the couple. He watched as the woman’s throat was slashed and her husband was attacked. Closing his eyes did nothing to alleviate his guilt. The screams and gargled deaths of the victims rang in his ears as their murders played over and over again in his blood soaked mind. 

He kept his eyes closed until he heard the cops show up at the house. He searched every face who walked into that living room, hoping to see his team. He needed to see at least one of their faces.

Gideon sat in front of the laptop. His face showing up on the screen he just watched two innocent people get murdered on. Two people he couldn’t save. Two people who were dead because of him. 

“Reid, if you’re watching, you’re not responsible for this.” His mentor spoke as if reading his mind, “You understand me? He’s perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He cannot break you.” 

All too soon, Gideon was gone. 

_You’re wrong Gideon. I think I’ve already started to break. I may have been broken long before he took me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more coming soon ;)


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some dialogue from 2x15

Hotch and Gideon were the only ones who went to the crime scene. Really they were the only ones who could. Prentiss could have gone, but they needed someone with a clearer head to stay with JJ, Morgan, and Garcia. They needed a profiler at the house who was at their full game incase Reid showed up on those screens again. 

After Morgan had stormed out of the room, he rushed out of the house and took off down the dirt road. He just ran and kept running. Tears streamed down his face, drying on his cheeks as his heart pounded in his chest and his lungs contracted at strange intervals. It made his chest ache. At least that’s what he was trying to convince himself was the reason his chest hurt so badly. But if he was being honest, he knew his heart was aching for his boy. 

JJ didn’t fare much better. She had backed herself up against the wall farthest from the monitors and sank down. For a while she sat there, just staring at the black computer screens, while everything played back through her mind. The damn broke when she thought about how hurt Spencer looked. Blood dripping down the side of his head, matting his hair. The tears stained on his face. The lack of shoes. The dirt that covered his whole body. She curled herself into a ball, hugging her knees tight to her chest, burying her face into them. Loud, broken sobs ripped from her throat as she cried. 

Garcia could only watch, her own tears cascading down her face. She couldn’t get the image of her Boy Wonder out of her brain. There weren't enough cute kitten videos in the world to protect her from the nightmares that would stick with her for the rest of her life. She could see herself years down the road, calling Spencer in the middle of the night, waking him or jolting him from his thoughts because she needed to hear his voice. She could almost hear his reassurances, lower in the future, because her boy would be all grown up. He’d still sound like her Spencer though, still quirky and a little awkward but always so kind and caring. He’d offer to stay on the phone with her until she fell asleep, and he’d tell her a silly story about an outcast monster who was just trying to fit in, or sing one of her favorite songs. And the next morning he’d show up to work with a coffee for her and a cute little plush toy he picked up on his way in. He just had to survive long enough for them to find him. 

Prentiss was at a loss of what to do. She cared about Reid, just like she cared about everyone on the team. It frustrated her that while she could do nothing to help Reid, she could also do nothing to help the other three teammates she was currently watching fall apart. This wasn’t like other teams she’d been on. This was a family, and they were starting to take her in but she didn’t have the bonds that they had. She didn’t know how to help dry Garcia’s tears, she didn’t know how to quiet JJ’s sobs, and she sure as hell didn’t know how to calm Morgan’s anger. 

Garcia was the first one she decided to tackle. She put her hand on the usually bubbly blonde’s shoulder, startling her out of her thoughts, “Why don’t you go get some water and wash your face? I’ll stay here.”

Slowly, Garcia nodded and stood from her chair. Her heels sounded dull clicks through the room as she went to find the bathroom. Prentiss hopes her plan of getting Garcia calmed so she could handle Morgan would work. 

She then moved on to JJ. The young Communications Liaison’s sobs sounded more like she was hyperventilating than crying. Prentiss didn’t blame her, the young woman had been through a lot in the last 24 hours, and it seemed to only be getting worse. The guilt of being the one with the team and not with Hankel was a parent to anyone who merely glanced at her. She was exhausted, still in a good amount of shock, probably still in pain from the bite on her arm. 

“JJ,” Prentiss spoke softly as she lowered herself to the floor, “can you look at me?”It took a moment, but JJ’s big blue deer eyes found hers and she smiled, “Take some deep breaths with me, okay?”

JJ followed Emily’s breathing and calmed down a little. She found herself holding Emily’s hand, “I love him.” 

“I know you do.” Prentiss soothed, “We’ll get him back.”

“No, you don’t get it.” JJ closed her eyes and took another deep breath, “We’re dating.”

Prentiss was taken back, she had assumed they had feelings for each other, but the way they both looked at Morgan made her think otherwise, “We’ll get him back to you.”

“I shouldn’t’ve left him.” JJ hiccuped, “I should have just gone with him.”

“It’s not your fault.” She knew her words would have little impact but JJ still needed to hear them. “This isn’t your fault. This is Hankel’s fault. He’s the bad guy, not you.” 

“We’re gonna have to tell Spence that.” JJ hiccuped again, whipping at her stream of tears. “He’s gonna blame himself for the couple’s deaths.”

Prentiss nodded and pulled her younger friend into a hug, “We’ll just have to make sure he knows it wasn’t his fault. Just like this isn’t your fault.”

JJ nodded and relaxed against Emily’s torso. She was still guilty and scared for Spencer, but she was calmer now. 

There wasn’t much to do, and JJ and Garcia were both feeling more helpless than ever. They weren’t profilers. They couldn’t check out leads because no one had any. They couldn’t track Reid’s location. They couldn’t find him. 

Prentiss felt selfish for the relief she had that they were relying on her to take care of them, it gave her something to do. Something to focus on other than the youngest member of their team being beaten and held captive somewhere. Prentiss didn’t know the young doctor too well but from what she did know about him, he was sweet. 

He was shy and insecure when she first met him, still grieving the loss of his friend and former team member. He was eager to please and desperate for approval. He was smart, smarter than her, but he wasn’t conceded. He appreciated her intellect and wanted to learn from her. She had scoffed when he asked her to tutor him in Arabic, she couldn’t imagine teaching him something, he was a certified genius. But he was serious and the more languages he found out she spoke the more he asked her to tutor him. She was starting to understand that while he may have an understanding of a language and could read and write in that language like a native speaker would, most languages he had ever been exposed to. He was self taught from textbooks and novels, he never had someone speak to him in most of the languages he knew, let alone someone to speak with who knew the language better than him. 

That’s how they started to bond. Prentiss would get calls from him on her days off and he would be speaking in a language and she would correct him and tell him what was silent and what accents and emphasis to put on which syllables. He was getting good, most languages he could carry on a conversation with only a few stumbles, but most native speakers also stumbled over words. It’s that flaws and mispronunciation that makes it a language. 

They were slowly becoming close friends. It made her a bit sad the first time he asked her to accompany him to a showing of a foreign film and he was surprised when she accepted. She had found out, after the movie ended, that he’d never been to see a movie with someone like this. At first she thought he had mistaken it for a date, but he quickly clarified that most of his limited friends didn’t share the same love and intrigue of foreign films. Prentiss understood that, she’d grown up going to movies in countries where English was not the common language and missed the foreign films when she came home, she also didn’t have many friends who would sit through a movie and read subtitles. It was nice having someone who spoke or at least understood the language and could read the subtitles faster than they could appear on the screen. 

By the time Morgan came back from his impromptu run, Prentiss had gotten both JJ and Garcia to calm down, drink some water, and nibble on leftovers from the night before. Like she had hoped, Garcia pulled Morgan into the other room and calmed him down. Prentiss was grateful for that, she was busy taking care of JJ who wasn’t just worried about her surrogate “little brother” as she had assumed their relationship was, but she was worried for the man she loved, her boyfriend. It was a different kind of scared, one that Emily hadn’t felt… ever really. 

Sure, she’d had her love affairs, passionate summer romances, exotic flings in whatever country she was visiting with her mother, one steady live-in girlfriend who was really more a roommate than lover. She was focused on work and convinced herself she didn’t have time for a real love. Somewhere along the way she’d decided friends also got in the way of that. She hoped this team would be different, maybe it would me. Maybe, being on this team would be the stability she needed to allow herself to find the girl of her dreams, settle down, and live a long happy life. 

“I’m going to make some coffee,” Prentiss told JJ who had gone from silently crying to silently staring at the wall. “Hotch and Gideon will be back soon, they’ll probably want some.”

The slight nod of JJ’s head was the only thing that altered Prentiss she heard what was said. It wasn’t the progress she hoped they’d made, but it was better than those broke, desperate sobs from earlier. 

It was nightfall before everyone was back in the house. The house of the man, or men, who had Reid. Hotch and Gideon were working pacing through the house, looking for any clue they could. They had made an ignored demand that everyone take a break. The team listened somewhat, Prentiss went outside and waited for their dinner to be delivered, Garcia ran some tests on the system, trying to determine how Hankel set it up and maybe somehow find a way to figure out where he’d take Reid. So far she’d found nothing. 

JJ had come out of her daze and started to wander around. Even though she was exhausted and promised Prentiss she would take a nap, she couldn’t, not while Spencer was… gone. 

She found Derek in the kitchen when she came in to get more coffee. All she wanted was to have him hold her in his arms and tell her everything was okay and that they would hold Spencer soon, but he couldn’t do that. She knew he was at least half blaming her, which he had every right to in her mind, she was at fault. She also knew that Derek was just barely hanging on as it was, and if he had to comfort her and lie to her and tell her everything was going to be alright, he’d break. So she settled for awkwardly strolling in and standing near him. 

“I thought you were going to try and get some rest.” Derek mumbled, not even looking up from where he was making his drink. It was so familiar to their mornings that JJ had to take a mental step back. 

“Everyone else is working,” JJ leaned against the stove, it was as close as she could get to him without breaking down and crumbling into his arms. “I should be too.”

He was dismissive, she could tell he didn’t just half blame her anymore, he was angry, angry at her. JJ liked that. She liked that he wasn’t looking at her like she had already lost. She hated that he wouldn’t just say what he wanted to say, what she needed to hear.

“It’s funny.” JJ provoked, bringing Derek’s full attention to her,“I keep thinking… the one thing we need to crack this case is, uh… well, Reid.”

He dismissed her again with a defeated “yeah” and started to move out of the room. 

She couldn't take it anymore, “You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don’t you?”

It was an attempt at starting a fight, they both knew it.

Derek didn’t want to fight, he didn’t have the energy, “JJ, go get some rest.”

“I can tell that’s what you’re thinking, so…” If she had anymore tears left, any more energy or hope left in her, she’d be crying. 

“I just want to get Reid home safe.” Derek was trying hard to stay calm and once again made a move to remove himself from the room. 

“But…” JJ called, stopping his retreat, “if I had his back, like I was supposed to, he’d be here now.”

“JJ, what do you want from me?”

“I just… I want… someone to tell me the truth.” She was sure she was about to start crying again. 

“The truth is one of you is here, and one of you isn’t.” The words hurt as he said them, they hurt both of them, “You gotta figure the rest out for yourself.”

With that she let him leave. She heard what she thought she wanted to hear. His words gave her permission to blame herself, to hate herself. His words let her lose all hope. If they lost Spencer, like she was almost sure they had, she’d end up losing Derek too. 

In another part of the house, Hotch was feeling a different kind of guilt. He sent JJ and Reid here, he sent his two youngest agents away. He put them in danger. He sent Reid here to get taken. 

“You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain,” Hotch admitted after listening to Gideon say the kid would survive because he was brilliant, “but I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally.”

For most of his team, Hotch didn’t feel the need to teach them certain things he did Reid. He trusted them to have the knowledge to find ways to cope and process and trusted them to come to him if they needed it. Reid was a different story, he saw him as a baby brother. Being an older brother himself, it was natural for Hotch to fall into the big brother role again. He could feel himself teetering into the father figure zone, and the more Gideon pulled away from Reid the more the kid sought out Hotch. 

“Lead by example.” Was Gideon’s best insight. 

“Yeah, what kind of example is that?” Hotch challenged, neither him nor Gideon had done much in the way of helping Reid figure out feelings. They always promised they would do better next time, or they’d check up on him the next day, after the next hard case. 

They both feared it was too late and there would be no next anything. 

“He’ll make it.” Hotch didn’t know who Gideon was trying to convince with his words. 

They did little to reassure either of them, and Hotch ended up leaving, not knowing what else to do or say and needing to be away from Gideon for a while. 

Gideon was failing. He was failing as a senior member of the team. He was failing as a mentor. He was failing as a friend and confidant. He was failing and all he could think about was how much he wished he could play one last game of chess with Reid. 

Spencer Reid had become like a son to Gideon early on. They had met when Spencer attended a lecture of Gideon’s in college. Gideon had been impressed by the young man who came up to him after it was over and asked him multiple well thought out and intriguing questions. He also didn’t have a problem telling Gideon what he thought when he was asked for it. He could see the kid’s potential. He could also see something broken in him. The way he held himself, trying to be small but not overlooked. The sad way his clothes hung from his too small and too skinny frame. The look in his eyes when his ears caught up with his rambles. It was easy to see this kid needed someone in his life to help him, and guid him. Someone to see him. Not just in the way of not overlooking him or dismissing him, but someone who would see him as a human being and not just a brain. 

Having the young Spencer Reid over for thanksgiving dinner was an interesting decision on Gideon’s part. He used it as a way to not only make sure the kid got at least one full meal, but also as a way to get his son to come home. He convinced Stephen that he needed his son there to make Reid feel more comfortable. That Thanksgiving, he had dinner with his biological son whom he would never be close with, and his future surrogate son whom he would one day fail. 

“I’m gonna find you kid,” Gideon sighed to himself, “just hold on.”


	5. Part Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dialogue from 2x15

In a strange way, Reid was comforted by Tobias, the real Tobias. He did want to hurt Spencer, he didn’t want to kill him, to torture him. He was, in his own way, trying to help Spencer. The drugs were his own way of escaping his abuse so he shared them with Spencer. He wanted to make Spencer feel better… feel good.

At first he didn’t want them, he hated Tobias for giving them to him, but they did help with the pain. They helped with his nerves. Just enough. But they hindered his plan making abilities. He couldn't think straight. His thoughts were choppy and hard to follow and he couldn’t stay on a thought path. The worst was he couldn't remember things. Not like he usually could. But he still tried. 

_ Convince him to help.  _

_ Get out.  _

_ Get out and run.  _

_ Broken foot. _

_ Not run… the truck! Take the truck! _

_ He has the keys.  _

_ Convince him to help.  _

_ Stay alert.  _

_ Stay alert.  _

_ Get out.  _

_ GET OUT!! _

_ Stop I don’t want-  _

_ PEP.  _

_ Tell EMT to administer PEP. _

_ Post- _

_ Pleasure. _

_ Wait… why PEP? _

_ Post expose… _

_ Oh the needle.  _

_ PEP… PEP…  _

_ Post. Exposment… _

_ Post Tobias… _

_ Tobias’ sins… _

_ My sins. Confess. Confess. Confess. Dad? Gone. Mom? Away. Derek? I’m bi. JJ? I’m poly. She’s soft. Soft… soft…  _

_ Sex! _

_ Premartal-premarit-premart- preexposement…  _

_ PEP: Post expo-bias...  _

_ Toast bias? _

_ Post Tobias _

_ Tobias? _

“Tobias?” He spoke the name as his mind cleared from the fog. 

“Sorry,” his voice was soft and soothing and it made Reid confused, “I had to leave for a while.”

“You can leave again, and you can take me with you.” It wasn't the best plan, but it was what he came up with. 

“My father would be angry.”

Reid knew that, even if Tobias helped him escape, it was only a matter of time before his father or the angel took over and killed Reid. But if he could convince the man with DID and who was in the midst of a psychotic break that his father couldn't find them… maybe?

“He always finds me,” was the only response he got back and Reid was running out of tactics. 

He’d tried almost everything… that he can remember or even think of. But nothing was working. The only thing he had going for him right now was that Tobias seemed to like him. He’d somehow gotten Tobias on his side and they had some sort of connection. Reid wishes he could remember the bank moments in his memories. 

_ Tobias is here. He’s here on the ground. He has the syringe. He… he gives me the drugs… he takes… he takes some too. He takes some then gives some to me? He… uhhh… touched my cheek? NO! _

_ He knelt next to me. Grabbed my arm. Held my hand..? Held my arm, stabbed my vein…. Kissed my cheek…  _

_ He kissed my cheek? _

_ He…  _

_ Get out!!!! _

_ Get out!!!! _

“If you tell me where we are,” Reid swallowed thickly, trying not to think about how badly this could turn, “my friends will come, and they’ll save us.”

His heart dropped as he watched Tobias ready another injection. This wasn’t working. 

“We can’t be saved.”

“We can-we can, I promise,” he started to beg, “if you tell me where we are, I’ll save us both.”

“Listen to me,” once again, Tobias’ voice was so full of sadness and concern and what almost sounded like care or empathy that it made Spencer want to trust him, “it’s not worth fighting.”

At the words of his captor, Reid started to cry. 

“Tell me it doesn't make it better.”

_ It does.  _

_ He was young again, too young to be taking care of his mother. Too young to be taking the classes he was taking with the people who were too old to be his friends. He was too young and yet felt so old.  _

_ “Mom,” he was trying, but Diana Reid hadn’t gotten out of bed in days. She had been “resting for a long time. She wouldn’t take her medicine, she wouldn’t listen to her doctors, she wouldn’t listen to him.  _

_ “The Doctor says you need to get out of bed,” he reminded her.  _

_ “I’ve been reading.” She hadn’t.  _

_ “He says you need exercise.” Even to himself he sounded older.  _

_ He couldn’t force her to listen to her doctor, the “Neanderthal”. So he gave up. He needed an escape, and thought about the old man who lived next to Ethan. He was a retired teacher and knew how to play chess and spoke three languages. Spencer would often go over to his house when his mother was having an episode and Ethan wasn’t home. He’d sit with Jeff on his front porch and play chess with him, or sit in his kitchen and listen to him recite one of his old lectures while he made them dinner. Jeff was one of his best friends.  _

_ When he told her he was going to go over and see if Jeff could play, he was expecting her to yell and tell him he couldn’t. But instead, to his surprise and delight, she waved him over with the siren song of “let me read to you”.  _

_ He loved being read to. He loved when his mother read to him because he got to snuggle close, and she would play with his hair. She would take care of him, even if just for a few pages, and he felt love with every word. This was his mom.  _

_ THIS was his mom.  _

JJ had taken to pacing the house. With Derek angry at her and frustrated at still not knowing where Spencer was, it wasn’t a good time to seek comfort from him. Gideon and Hotch were both working on trying to find something they missed. Emily was busy taking care of the team and thinking of everything they couldn’t because of their connection to the vi-  _ victim.  _ She knew she could always go to Penelope for comfort, but her friend was worried too and working hard on trying to find a way to get Spencer's. 

“Any more signs of Reid?”

Garcia shook her head, she was almost in a trance, staring at the computer monitors, “and he just posted the last murder on-line. It’s had over 17,000 hits in the last 20 minutes.”

She looked physically ill as she relayed the numbers to JJ. It was terrible. 

“I want to see it.” JJ announced. 

Garcia shook her head, “No, you don’t.”

“Don’t tell me what I want and don’t want.” She snapped.

Everything was out of control. Everything was out of her control. All she wanted was Spencer back. It wasn’t her decision to go interview Hankel, that was Hotch. It wasn’t even her choice to split up in the first place! It was HIS! 

Her heart dropped and she took a few breaths then looked her friend in the eyes, “If I can’t watch this… I have no business being in the field.”

_ Not just for this case. _

Garcia’s heart broke for her friend, “JJ, it’s not a competition.”

“I-I need to see it.”  _ To prepare for Spencer’s video. _

“If you stop being affected by things,” Garcia was trying her hardest to talk her friend off the ledge, “you… lose parts of yourself, you know.”

JJ steeled herself, “Show me.”

Garcia did as she was told, but stood, “I won’t watch it with you.”

While JJ watched the video of the last murder, Emily and Morgan looked over the family history. Happy kid, good grades, then he turned eight and his mother left, and child services visited. The journals started after that, Charles’ rants corresponding with Tobias’ drug use. 

His escape. 

“So wherever Reid is,” Morgan’s heart fluttered at the thought of being closer to finding his boy, “it was Tobias’ choice, not his father’s.”

“How do you figure?” Emily asked, excited at the prospect of a clue, but wanting to make sure they weren’t reaching for something in desperation. 

“Look at these two lives.” Morgan explained, they’re like inverse graphs. One’s getting weaker while the other one’s getting angrier.”

_ Like two people currently searching for their boyfriend.  _

The thought made Derek’s stomach drop so he quickly moved on, “Tobias would run away, his father would have stood and fought.”

“Okay, so, Tobias uses drugs as an escape,” Emily tracked, “I’ll go back through the journals and see if I can find anything connecting his drug use to a hiding place.”

JJ wandered in not long after Emily had made the plan. All of Derek’s heart and body wanted to go to her and hold her and tell her it wasn’t her fault, but his mind was angry, his brain was reminding him that _she left him! She is the reason he’s gone! SHE is the reason he’s gonna die!_ So he didn’t move. 

“Uh… where’s Gideon?”

“He’s upstairs.” Morgan stated, angling himself towards the board and way from her, “Why? What’s going on?”

“Hankel just posted the latest murder.” 

Gideon “worked” with Garcia on trying to get the video taken down. It wasn’t possible. Even with Garcia’s god-like abilities, she couldn’t do it. Sending out a virus warning was the best she could do in the time they had. 

But the solution came with a price: alerting Hankel.

Anger roared through the man and he turned it on Reid. 

“They’re trying to silence my message!”

“I can’t control what they do.” He pleaded his case, “I’m not with them. I’m with you.”

He played the video of Gideon again, and it broke Reid just a little more. And in that moment of him breaking, Hankel must have seen something in Reid that he recognized from his son, because he launched forward and shoved up his shirt sleeve. 

“You’re pitiful!” Hankel spat, “Just like my son.”

“ _ This ends now _ ,” came through the speakers and filled the room, alerting Gideon and Garcia that something was happening. 

When they saw Reid, sitting in the chair, crying, hurt, and broken, their hearts stopped simultaneously. 

“ _ Confess your sins _ ”

They were both shaking as they watched Reid getting beaten. They could hear him begging, they could hear the choked words ripping from his throat. With each hit, slap, and punch Garcia shook harder. With every jerk of his body, Gideon got closer to crying. 

Gideon’s hand gripped Garcia’s shoulder, and her hand gripped his. 

They were watching their Boy Wonder being tortured and could do nothing about it. 

As his chair hit the floor, so did their stomachs. Their lungs stopped working as they watched, helplessly, as Spencer gasps for air turned into convulsions. 

“Oh my God, he’s killing him.” The words were out of Garcia’s mouth before she knew what she had said, she still didn’t know if she was announcing it or asking Gideon. 

“ _ That’s the devil vacating your body. _ ” Hankel’s words fell on deaf ears as Gideon and Garcia watched Reid’s convulsions slow, and his gasps become nonexistent. 

Gideon felt sick as he gazed at Spencer’s still body… his corpse. He quickly releases Garcia’s shoulder and rushes to the bathroom. He doesn’t get sick, he physically cannot, but a panic attack is mixing with his grief and he feels too much at once, his knees feel like they are going to buckle, but he keeps pacing, his heart feels like it’s going to explode, his ears are ringing, his eyes are burning, his chest is physically aching and not just from the way his lungs are contracting at odd intervals. 

The door slams open and Hotch is calling him out of his useless ramblings of reassurances he doesn’t believe. 

Everyone is gathered around the monitors, watching as the Unsub desperately tries to revive the youngest member of their team. It’s odd. Relief and hope flood their bodies as they watch, but in the back of Gideon, Hotch, and Emily’s minds, the question of “what is he planning to do to Reid, that makes him this desperate for him to live?” lurks, threatening to smother whatever little hope they are holding on to.

When he takes his first breath, JJ doesn’t believe it. She’s already mourning him. She has been since Derek and Emily found her in the barn. 

Derek doesn’t believe it either. His heart has shattered into a million pieces and the only thing that will start to put it together again is having his boy in his arms. He’s smart and can feel the shock creeping into his body so he hugs his arms impossibly close to his chest, the painful way his muscles strain is just enough to keep him semi alert. 

Hotch has a rare moment of his composure leaving him. His relief is mixed with fear. He’s seen enough to know this could only get worse for his youngest. There’s so many obscene and horrendous reasons Hankel could have for reviving Reid. None of them make Hotch feel better about the gasping breaths his baby brother is taking. 

Garcia’s heart starts beating faster and tears well up in her eyes. She had watched her boy die but hadn’t believed he could be dead. 

Gideon was just in shock. His mind couldn’t process anymore. The young man who had somehow become a son to him had been taken, tortured, killed, and revived. Nothing made sense, but he knew nothing would be okay until they got him back. And nothing would stop them until they found Spencer Reid… in what state they’d find him in, he couldn't say. All he could do is pray they found him alive. 

“Wait! Wait a second.” Emily composed herself faster than the rest of the team, “When was the video of the last murder posted?”

“9:23.” Garcia supplied. 

“And-and what was the time of death?” 

“The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later.” Hoth reported, his voice still heavy with emotion. 

JJ joined the conversation, her brain and mouth working without her consciousness, “That’s only a 19-minute difference.” 

“How long would it take to post the MPEG?” Derek’s focus on work broke him out of his shock. 

Garcia knew he was asking her without looking, “Two or three minutes.”

“Well, let’s call it two,” he factored in Hankel’s apparent, near Garcia level, computer skills. “You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene.”

“Garcia,” Hotch’s voice was slower than usual, and seemed more detached and distant, “can we see it on a map?”

“Call Farraday.” Gideon instructed, “I want that area locked down like it’s Martial Law.”

“Guys.” Garcia brought their attention back to the screen where Reid was struggling to breath but still breathing, and Hankel was standing over him. 

“You came back to life.” Hankel studied him with wide eyes. 

Reid knew exactly who stood before him, “Rafael.”

“There can be only one of two reasons.”

“I was given C.P.R.” Reid quipped, his brain still not fully comprehending what happened, but he recognized how his body felt, and was still smart enough to connect the dots. 

“There are no accidents.” Rafael stated. “How many members are on your team?”

_ Gideon, my mentor and reluctant father figure.  _

_ Hotch, my boss, leader, and brother.  _

_ Penelope Garcia, a bright light in the darkest darkness.  _

_ Emily Prentiss, the strength, and my new friend.  _

_ JJ, my love, my comfort, my best friend.  _

_ Derek, my soulmate, my protector, my best friend.  _

_ … me. _

“Seven.” 

“The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound.” Rafael preached, “The first sounding, there followed hail and fire mixed with blood, and they were thrown to Earth.” 

“He thinks it's revelations— the seven archangels versus the seven angels of death.” 

Pain coursed through Reid’s body as Rafael set his chair upright.

“Tell me who you serve." Rafael demanded. 

_ Say what he wants!  _

“I serve you.”

“Then choose one to die.”

“What?” It didn’t make sense to Reid,  _ Choose one to die? Me. I choose me.  _

“Your team members— chose one to die.” Rafael repeated. 

“Kill me.” It was the strongest, loudest, and clearest sentence he’d spoken. 

“You said you weren’t one of them.” Rafael reminded Reid. 

“I lied.” His need to protect his family gave him confidence and he readied himself for death. 

“Your team has six other members.” Rafael ignored him, “Tell me who dies.”

There was no fear in him as he stared down the Unsub, “No.”

Even as Rafael pulled out the gun and readied it for another round of Russian roulette, Spencer stayed calm. His anger and love for his family overpowered all emotions. He was doing this for them. He would die to protect them. He could do this for them. He’d be at peace if he could save them. 

“Choose and prove you’ll do God’s will.”

As the team watched Hankel put the gun to Reid’s head, they all felt as if they were losing him all over again. Gideon could barely react, his mind still not caught up on Reid being alive. Emily couldn’t watch. Hotch felt his heart break and nearly let out a sob as he covered his mouth to try and keep some composure. Derek couldn’t think, he could only look at Spencer. Garcia’s eyes widened as she realized she may have to watch Reid die for a second time in less than ten minutes. JJ felt her heart constrict, and felt the emotions course through her body, but didn’t react she couldn’t.

“No.” Spencer didn’t flinch when the trigger was pulled, but the team did. 

He glared, passed the gun and directly into Hankel’s eyes, willing Tobias to fight with his mind, but knowing he was alone. 

“Choose.”

_ Don’t worry, I’ll be alright.  _ “I won’t do it.” 

The trigger clicked, no bullet. 

“Choose.”

_ I’m okay.  _ “No.”

Another click… he was running out of time. 

_ They’re watching… they are going to watch me die… I can’t do that to them.  _

_ Think! THINK! _

“Choose.”  _ Last chance.  _

“I…”  _ Please understand,  _ “I choose… Aaron Hotchner.”

Hotch perked up at his name. He could feel the eyes of some of his team members, but he had to listen. He had to catch every word his youngest said. 

“He’s a classic Narcissist.” Spencer continued, “He thinks he’s better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 ‘Let him not deceive himself and trust in emptiness, vanity, falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense’.”  _ Please understand.  _

Hotch walked out of the room, not hearing or seeing the shot ring out above Reid’s head. He was on a mission. He knew the kid would figure something out. Hotch was honestly just happy to have something to do, something to go on. Something other than his youngest agent's imminent death. 

The team followed him. 

Their leader was starting to scare them. He was acting like they’d never seen him act before. More than once they had all thought he’d reached his breaking point… and this might just be the thing to send him over the edge. 

“I’m not a narcissist.” Hotch announced to Gideon with a smile.

“Come on.” Gideon was readying himself to do damage control. “Look, you can’t think anything from that.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Hotch started to talk over his partner but Gideon barreled on. 

“He’s not in his right mind, Hotch.”

“No. Stop. Stop.” Hotch’s voice was soft, and the way he was acting was starting to worry his team even more. All right, everybody right now - what’s my worst quality?” The looks on his team’s faces nearly made him laugh. They thought he was going crazy. At least having his own mini psychotic break. “Okay, I’ll start. I have no sense of humor.”

“You’re a bully.” JJ’s filter was all but gone, and if he really wanted to talk about this now, then who was she to stop him. 

He agreed, “I’m a bully.”

Derek shrugged, “You can be a drill sergeant sometimes.”

“Right.”

“You don’t trust women as much as men.” If JJ and Morgan weren’t holding back, Emily wasn’t going to either. 

“Okay, good. I’m all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team, because I don’t, ever.” Hotch spoke fast for three reasons: 1) He needed to explain fast so they could get working on finding Reid, 2) He didn’t want his team to worry about his mental state any longer, 3) he was excited to finally have a lead. “Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that, and he also quoted Genesis, chapter 23, verse 4.” He handed the Bible to JJ, “Read it.”

“I am a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead out of my sight.” JJ was confused, Spencer didn’t get quotes wrong… ever. 

“He wouldn't get it wrong unless it was on purpose.” Hotch supplied his last bit of evidence to the team. 

“He’s in a cemetery.” Derek’s emotions and heart may still be playing catch up, but he was a great profiler.

  
  


The team was once again, gathered around Garcia, looking over her shoulder at the computer monitors. A map of the area pulled up. Their hope was slipping as they continued to be unable to find what they were looking for. 

Garcia was getting more and more frustrated as she searched, “I don’t see a Cemetery.”

“Call up the first time we saw Reid.” Gideon instructed.

_ “I won’t choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher.”  _ He looked right into the camera, he was talking to them. 

“Check to see if there are any reports of poaching in the last couple days.” Hotch said. 

“Okay. Uhhhh…” Garcia searched, her heart racing, if they didn’t find him now she feared they never would. “A farmer reported two sheep being slaughtered on his property.”

Derek was almost numb. He felt all the hope and desperation that was twisting inside him, but they were distant feelings, “Where are we talking?”

“What’s that patch of green there?” JJ asked, hope fluttering in her chest.

“Marshall Perish. I think it’s an old plantation.” Hotch said, his voice sounding tired. 

“Wiat.” Emily, thinking the clearest, remembered, “Tobias wrote in his journals about staying clean and keeping away from Marshall.”

Garcia searched the map and found it, “Guys, there’s a cemetery on the grounds.”

The next time Reid woke up, his mind was swimming. Gradually, the blank parts of his memories were getting longer and longer and he was worried he soon wouldn’t remember anything. 

If he was thinking rationally, however, he would have realized the combination of drugs, a concussion, and two to three days of next to no real sleep, food, and even water would all affect someone with normal memory. But he wasn’t thinking rationally, his thoughts were scattered, his mind was foggy, and all he wanted to do was go home and curl up between JJ and Derek. Maybe cry a little. Have a shower. But what he wanted most was just to be held by his two lovers, to feel safe and be safe. 

A cup was pressed to his lips, and he was drinking water from it. There was nothing clean about the liquid sitting on his tongue. Not that he was complaining about the metallic taste, his throat burned and he could feel the dehydration taking a toll on his body. 

He looked up at the man and whispered, “Tobias, is that you?”

Tobias was gentle, watching Reid’s face with sorrow and care. The quiet “yeah” sounded like something that came out of Derek’s mouth when they’d be laying in bed, nearly asleep and Spencer would get a random thought that he couldn’t dismiss until he told someone. The yeah was reassuring and filled Spencer with a sense of calm. 

He didn’t like that he was calm. 

“Thank you,” he gasped out after he drank some more, realizing now that maybe the water was clean and it was his mouth that wasn’t. “You saved my life.”

Tobias looked saddened by his words, as if he was letting down his beloved. Panic rose in Reid’s chest as the man whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“He’ll win in the end.” Tobias admitted, ribbing the little bit of hope Reid had away from him. 

“Tobias, I need to know something. It’s important.” He’d all but given up on his team finding him alive, but at least if he was correct, JJ and Derek would have something to bury. “Are we in a cemetery?”

Tobias nodded slowly, keeping eye contact with his captive. His beautiful, kind, and broken captive. “I used to come here to get high.”

“I was right.” Pride. He was proud of himself. Hotch and Gideon would be proud of him too. Eventually so would JJ and Derek. His team would be proud, he was proud. 

“No one bothers you here.” Tobias continued, readying Reid for another hit of Dilaudid, “I never told anyone about it.”

Reid gave up, he let himself slip away as the toxin ran through his blood. 

_ He was back home, in Nevada, in his mother’s home. Two men followed him into the room where his mother was sitting with her books and journals. She had gotten out of bed today. That was good? Maybe he was making a mistake.  _

_ ‘She forgot you were coming home for the holidays Crash, she thought you were some delivery guy at first. She needs help.’ Ethan’s voice circled his brain as he stared at her.  _

_ No. He was doing the right thing.  _

_ “What are these men doing here?” She addressed Spencer.  _

_ “They’re from a hospital. They’re here to help.” He was trying to stay strong.  _

_ “I don’t need help,” her usual response came as expected, “and you can’t be here without permission. Tell them, Spencer.” _

_ “I called them.” His admission made him feel sick. _

_ The look of betrayal on her face, the way her voice broke as she said his name, it all was too much. He was hurting her.  _

_ “I’m doing this for you.” He kept telling himself that, but was he? Was he really doing this for her? Or was he doing it for him? _

_ “This isn’t legal.” _

_ “Your son’s eighteen, ma’am.” One of the men took over, sensing Spencer had reached his breaking point. “He can act in your welfare.” _

_ His voice broke as he said, “You need help.” _

_ She was defeated, utterly betrayed and broken. He’d done that to her. He’d made her crumble and cry. He’d made her so sad. He betrayed her. He hurt her. “I want to say here!” _

_ “I’m sorry.” He whispered.  _

_ He watched her beg the men to let her stay, he listened to her beg him to not do this. He watched and he listened and all he could say was “I’m sorry.” _

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for, boy?” A hard voice pulled him out of his memory. 

“I sent her away.” Spencer admitted.  _ I betrayed her, I hurt her.  _

“Who?”

“My mom.” Reid croaked out, “I couldn’t… I couldn’t help her.”

“Is that a confession?” 

Reid nodded, “I confess.”

“You know your Bible,” Charles spoke calmly, “Exodus 21:17.”

“And he that curseth his father,” Reid paused, “or his mother… shall surely be put to death.”

His bonds were slowly unlocked, setting him free from the chair. Dread filled his stomach and sat like a lead weight.  _ This is it.  _

“Grab a shovel.” His heart dropped. 

He’ll never see his family again. His mom. His team. JJ and Derek. 

The walk to the gravesite was brutal. His foot was most definitely broken, his core was sore. Every step sent a jolt of pain from his tailbone to his shoulder blades. He was too cold and too hot and too numb but in too much pain to keep going. His chest burned as his lungs tried to take in oxygen, though they were heavy and stiff, and he found himself wheezing more than actually breathing. 

The digging wasn’t much better, he tried to stand on the foot that didn’t hurt as badly, but his balance was off and he kept falling over. His shoulder and wrist joints ground against each other causing an uncomfortable heat to surround them. His lungs had all but given up, he was light headed, dizzy, and so very tired. 

“I ought to bury you alive in there.” Charles was taunting him, “Give you time to think about what you done.”

“I know what I’ve done.” He forced out, feeling like he was suffocating already. 

“Don’t talk back to me.” His voice was stern, “Dig.” 

The team found the shed Reid had been kept, but there was no sign of Reid. Just an empty chair with handcuffs, the smell of burnt rotting fish, blood stains on the floor and the equipment used to broadcast his torture to the team. 

Hotch gave the command to spread out and they all dispersed. 

For a moment, Reid thought he was actually going to keel over and die right there. His body was giving up. But he was prompted to keep going, to keep digging his own grave. 

A flashlight in the distance altered Reid to his rescuers and gave him the opportunity to grab the gun. He was smart, he’d lured the man closer, got him to take off his jacket in preparation to start digging because Reid wasn’t going fast enough. It was perfect. 

“Only one bullet in that gun, boy.”

_ That’s all I need.  _ He pulled the trigger and ended it. 

He watched his captor, his torturer, his killer drop to the ground. He moved as quickly as he could to disarm the dying man so he would not be a threat to his team. He didn’t hear Derek call his name, it sounded like he was underwater, all he could hear was the rush of his own heart beating. 

“You killed him.” Broke through the rushing in his ears.  _ Tobias. _

“Tobias?”

“Do you think I’ll get to see my mom again?” Tobias asked. 

There were too many thoughts and feelings running through Reid, and all he could say was, “I’m sorry.” and watch the man die. 

Reid was in shock when the team found him. Hotch was the first to kneel next to him, bringing him to his feet as he spoke softly, “You all right?”

It took a minute for Reid to realize he was safe, “I knew you’d understand.” He latched onto Hotch, his leader, his brother, and cried. 

Hotch made eye contact with Morgan, they both knew JJ needed to see Reid, and that Reid needed to see JJ. They also both knew that everyone already thought JJ and Reid were dating and would expect it. Morgan watched, he watched as Spencer nearly crushed their girlfriend with a hug, and heard how JJ apologized to their boy. His heart clenched as he saw just how terrible the past few days had been for his lovers. 

“It’s all right.” Spencer reassured her, “It wasn’t your fault.”

Gideon took over with Reid. Trying to steer the young man to the ambulance. Leaving JJ and Morgan to be with each other. Morgan had tears in his eyes as he finally made eye contact with his girlfriend. They were both reluctant to leave Reid alone, but knew that Gideon could calm him down and he wouldn’t feel the need to be stronger and hide his injuries from his surrogate father. 

“Please… can i have a second alone?” Reid requested breathlessly, his adrenaline was all but gone and he was fighting his body’s want to collapse. 

Once Gideon had walked to Morgan, telling him he’d ride in the ambulance with Reid, Reid dropped down next to Tobias and looked over the man he’d just killed. He reached into the pocket of the corpse, and pulled out the bottles of Dilaudid. 

To wean himself off. 

  
**_“Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.”_ **

**~ Peter A. Levine**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in Part 3 of The Love of Three series: "Recoveries"


End file.
